I realized today (thanks to a friend’s unknown encouragement (Jason)) that one of my biggest triggers to becoming angry is when someone doesn’t tell me the direct and 100% authentic truth. In other words when someone “beats around the bush,” tangents, withholds important information or redirects into manipulation.
I am an intuitive. I have created myself as such and have been developing over time.
Therefor often when I ask - I already know.
What I realized today after meditating is that I often ask in a manipulative or cryptic way - which would naturally breed a cryptic response, don’t you think?
I would often say, “I feel like there is something you’re not telling me.” When in fact, I know what it is that the person is not telling me.
On another level I needed to explore WHY it is that I get so very angry with this triggering. I asked myself, “How does it make me feel when someone does this?”
It makes me feel like the person feels I’m stupid, that they question my intuition and intelligence. It makes me feel like I’m being manipulated, dishonored, disrespected, not trusted and unloved. It makes me feel completely unsafe and that the person feels that I’m not a part of the solution and am too immature to handle the truth.
So - why would people have a hard time being direct with me?
My highest self answered, “Because they are terrified of disappointing you.”
That is truth.
The crazy thing is - I am the one that is terrified of disappointing YOU.
There is that mirror again.
So - how am I “cause” in all of this?
I am cause because I have made it clear either with words or with my energy that it is NOT okay to disappoint me. This is my controlling attempt to try to escape from feeling hurt or pain in my life.
But, the truth is that disappointment may be painful - but it is manageable and reconcilable - while feeling deceived or manipulated may not be.
So - how can I create a safe space for you? How can I be OKAY with you disappointing me (which is inevitable as we are all human!)
The answer is confrontingly simple:
I must CHOOSE to be okay with it.
I choose now, with the power invested in me, to be okay with each and every one of you disappointing me.
I LOVE THAT YOU ARE HUMAN.
I welcome disappointment!!